I wasn’t sure in all honesty what to write about today, but decided to open up and share about this meaning behind this date and why.
It may seem like an odd title for a blog post going out on the same day 14 years later. But that day is a day that flipped my life upside down in a way I never anticipated. Because of what happened is the reason I began writing. I first began by sharing my story, working through grief, and life’s journey as I continued on this different path.
14 years ago I gave birth to my daughter. It was our first pregnancy. We found out just before Christmas 2010 and shared the news with family. July 5, 2011 was going to be the day we would meet our daughter. It was an exciting way to end the year and looking forward into the next year. But my journey had a different path it was about to take.
Almost as quickly as we found out we were pregnant we found out that there was no longer a heart beat. At 17 weeks our daughter we met our daughter, on January 27, 2011. 2.4 ounces, ten fingers, ten toes.
The next day we went home with a box, pictures, handprints and a blanket, yet feeling totally empty. I had lost so much, plus my faith and trust. The next year I began working through the grief, writing, and healing. I remember the day leading up and those that followed. I remember what happened, words said, and so much more. Even still, 14 years later.
Yet I know she is always with me because of dragonflies. And I also know one day I will get to see her again and until then she will forever be my baby girl. She is the one who made me a mom. She is the reason I decided to be a stay at home mom. She is the reason why dragonflies bring me so much peace and comfort, a true blessing in any storm. And she is another pivotal point in my faith journey.
January 27 I will always remember, my daughter’s birthday. And I will always remember her through dragonflies.
A little note about the picture above. The first Christmas after we lost Samantha, just a year after we found out, I had those words in the poem come to me. I had been seeing dragonflies throughout 2011. So I decided to create Samantha’s Dragonfly in memory and honor of her. The dragonfly brought me peace, hope, comfort and I wanted to pass that along to others who found themselves on the similar path of pregnancy and infant loss. Along with the poem I make a beaded dragonfly and then pass them along to others who are facing the same path or for someone to pass along to someone they know.
I hope and pray that whatever you are facing, whatever season you are in, know that you are not alone in this.
Until next time,
~Liz
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